Tag Archives: trip

a weekend alone – again

FINALLY he is on his way to visit his friends in his old town. It is now over half a year he last saw them. Lately he talked to them on the telephone, but I am glad they finally found a weekend to actually meet.

He will stay there some days and then visit his mother, so he can make a kind of triangular trip and he can save a ticket/time for one direction. Since I have a lot of plans for next week, I am not sure when we will see each other. But that seems to be life.

Last Christmas I gave him a gift certificate for a weekend in his old town (train ticket and hotel), but back then I assumed that I will be part of this trip. He didn’t even mention his gift certificate and because I will not be part of his trip I didn’t interfere in his planning. Back than I expected him to go to his old town more often.

I wish him to have a good time, meet a lot of his friends, make contacts again so his next visit will not be in over a half year later.

This time I am more prepared to have time for my own, I have so many ideas and plans for this weekend I probably won’t realise all of them.

Today I want to go running, join a bike demonstration, watch a movie with a new friend/neighbour and have a drink with her, go out with my good friends. But let’s see.



He claimed that I am not a romantic person and don’t understand anything about being romantic. That hurts.
Because I really make a lot of effort just for him. This weekend it was my turn to do the groceries and I bought some specialities I really can’t even smell just because he likes them. It is my way of telling him how much he means to me.
I asked him to stroll trough a park and make a break in a nice little café, even though I don’t like/drink any coffee. I know and respect his need for coffee. As he should mine for sunshine, which he also enjoyed – by the way.
Here we are waiting for his coffee and my water. The cake was served earlier.

Overall we had a nice weekend. Yesterday we even went paddling. That’s why I’m covered with bruises once again.
Even paddling can be romantic, if we keep the focus on the two of us.

I tried to get some idea about the different imaginations of being romantic, but when I read in the internet, it seams most people just live klischees. I don’t want to have lots of candles burning. I would be worried about setting something on fire and probably couldn’t relax. I don’t want to have roses on the floor, because in the end it would be me cleaning it.
I just want gestures of appreciation, attention, feel that he thinks about me.
As a matter of fact, this is being romantic to me.

I’m really curious about his idea of being romantic. But the issue popped up because his friend told that Japanese women propose by offering to clean their beloved’s shoes every day. I don’t know if it is true. But his friend told and said to him this sounds very romantic. This was when my friend claimed I can’t understand. In the present of his friend I didn’t want to discuss the issue and later on I didn’t dare to restart it.

It hurt me and I am scared if I ask him about this again he will answer somethin even more hurting. I am a coward. Why can’t I just talk to this man? His opinions are important to me and at the same time I am afraid.

Family for a weekend

I was with my family last week. I helped my youngest brother to move out and on Friday I took my little favorite niece to come with me. He was informed and said it is OK to bring her. She is 6 years now, and a sweet little girl. I invited her before, but her mother, my sister wasn’t sure if she might be afraid.

Everything was fine. She even slept alone in the living room. She was neat and well-behaved.

On Friday we went to the amusement arcade. She never admit she was tired, but when I brought her to bed, she fell asleep within minutes.

On Saturday we went to an amusement park. She sat the first time on a horse back and also was not afraid to try a lot of fun fair attractions. I can’t go on roller-coasters, so I asked my boyfriend to accompany her. At last he invited all of us on a wild water slide. What I didn’t know, our boat was spun very much. He was sitting opposite to me, I was holding my niece. And I was crying. I latched onto the handle and my niece, but had to be careful not to bruise her. After surviving that slide, I had headache, I felt so sick, I just wanted to go home. He became wet and also wanted to go home. But the little girl wasn’t tired of this action. But she had to come with us. At home we cooked, ate and rested.

In my town there was a special night, where lot of tourist attractions, museums and other places were open during the night. We went there until 11 o’clock. Until the very end she was jumping around, just on the ride home she finally almost fell asleep. At home we just used the bathroom and then I brought her to bed, where she slept immediately.

On Sunday was our last day together, we went to a children’s playground. My boyfriend and I were quite tired, she was running and jumping around, requesting our help. In the afternoon I brought her home by train. I was really impressed and proud to have such a good niece.

Back at home, finally the two of us together. But I didn’t feel well. I said thank you for spending the weekend with us, because it would been OK if he met his friends instead. He said he likes the little girl, but she is very exhausting. I hope he still wants to have own children, because I enjoyed the time as fake family.

Even if it is true, I became sick because of a virus. That’s why I will spend the next days at home.

From the last paddling trip

It was only him and me. And I’m such a coward. He is an excellent paddler, he can safe me and take care of himself. But what if something happens to him? I’m really scared. I always tried to avoid going on a paddling trip just the two of us. I was so glad nothing bad happened, but I don’t feel well in this situation. I really need to attend the safety course next spring.


I waited with our equipment while he drove the car to the exit point and hitch-hiked back.

White water

Down the valley there was the white water. Fog was ascending, a spooky atmosphere again. 


Also the mountains were hidden by fog. In the night there was a heavy rain, and the next day was not that scary any more.

last weekend – the realisation

It was like planned. We met, him, me and my best friend.

While he attended his course my best friend and I did some daytrips.

  • On Friday we explored the surroundings
  • On Saturday we wanted to see a big waterfall. We went by bike about 5 hours there, because we avoided car routes. The way back on the street it took us 40 minutes.
  • Yesterday we didn’t want to do any sport, but it happened to become mountaineering.

I hardly saw him and this was good. But in fact everything was aimed to him. The times we cook, we go to bed, we get up. What we buy.

Yesterday I packed and prepared everything in the morning. When he called to pick him up, I was in a hurry, because I didn’t expect him to finish that soon. My best friend and I had no time to prepare some snack or have a shower after our mountain adventure. After we picked him up, he (my glorious boyfriend) insisted to go back to the camping site and have a shower, have some snack. His needs have more priority than ours. Maybe it is my fault that it is this way 😦 . That was when I got angry. And also because he let me pay everything once again, all the groceries, the camping site, his day-pass for the river.

After a 2 hours ride I cooled down and told him I’m sorry. He said it too. So the remaining way home was not tensed. But at home he started washing his clothes and soiled our place. It was late. I was tired. He was loud, making everything dirty. He kept me from sleeping. And I got angry again.

I really don’t feel like he appreciates me. He is always taking, expecting. He even suggested going on a trip next weekend. But I am tired of investing time, feelings, effort and money in him.

up-comming weekend – the plan

We will go on holiday!

Kind of. He will attend a paddling course and because it is about 6-8 hours away, I decided to accompany him. I also asked my best friend to join me, so I won’t be alone during the course times.

We will meet at noon. We packed and prepared everything yesterday. We will bring our bikes and I printed maps and offers of possible activities.

I pointed out that I just join this trip, so my boyfriend won’t have to drive that far alone again. All week we were busy. There was no moment of quality time, not a slot to be a couple. I miss this and him; and I am also waiting for a sign of appreciation.

What has happened lately?

We had some bad fights, because I don’t feel appreciated enough.

From his point of view the problem is because I make a lot of efford doing things which are not really important to him. But I really want him to sometimes do something for me even when it is not his advantage. All his actions seem to be for his needs. It is always him, his needs and then maybe someone else (i.e. me).

I would like him to pass on something – just for my good.

I will accompany him up-comming weekend, because I don’t want him to go on such a long car trip on his own again. There are a lot of opportunities waiting for me at home, friends to meet. But his safety is more important to me.

I really looking forward such kind of gesture, I think.

I cried a lot, we talked a lot. At the moment we are not fighting any more.