I guess it is one of the given differences and I have to learn to live with it, but WHY does he have to play on his PC when we both have just a little time slot to attend on each other.
On Tuesday I met some former colleagues. When I returned he was busy, with his PC. It is OK that he not immediately jumps as I arrive, but he kept being busy until bedtime.
Yesterday he was out with his colleagues. It is important to him to get to know them better, maybe become friends. After work and before the evening program he came home to have dinner. He called on his way home and him eating at home included me cooking a meal. I felt a little exploited but I did it because I expected him to spend his little time slot with me. But nothing, after having dinner he continued his PC game. Then he left to spend the evening without me.
In his defence he tried to enthuse me to play his game with him. I play some games, but I am simply not interested in this one. In his company “everyone” is playing that game. Maybe he felt like being put on the spot. I don’t know.
The game is not that bad, it is about building a rocket and sending it to the moon. But I have other stuff to do that is more important to me. He can do as he likes, but it would be great if we only have little time slots to do something with me. I have the feeling like we haven’t talked honestly in quite a long time now.
Today I am going to meet an old friend. So he has lot of time to play on his computer. When I told him that he made a very sweet sound that he prefers me to stay and keep him company or even better play with him.
But instead of me he will find a little present today. I ordered some special tea that we could not find anywhere here. He brought it from his last holiday and since then is swarming about it.
He is back. But we are too busy.
I didn’t miss him. I didn’t do half of the stuff I planned to when he was away. But I was busy with myself and it was OK without him. Now he is back. I first saw him when I came back from my exercise. We had over two hours before bedtime, but I had to take a shower, to eat, to recover. His mail-server seems to die so he had to do a back-up of his data. That’s why actually there were only a few minutes left to spend together before sleeping.
And it will go on like this for this week and maybe for this month, because it is pre- Christmas period. I have some friends to meet as a tradition of our friendship. My colleagues in work and also my company invited my for Christmas parties. Besides I have some days to work out of town. So I am busy and he has a similar schedule independent from my plans.
How do other people live that busy? I really start asking myself how other couples are satisfied with the little time they can spend with each other in such busy periods. For example my officemate: he commutes every day to work, he sometimes/often stays in town to meet friends in the evening, he has two little children and his wife. How can they spend enough time together? Are they both too busy to miss togetherness?
For me, and for us, I probably should reserve a date night again, so we have time for each other during this stressful times! Let’s see if there still is an evening not reserved in both of our schedules.
FINALLY he is on his way to visit his friends in his old town. It is now over half a year he last saw them. Lately he talked to them on the telephone, but I am glad they finally found a weekend to actually meet.
He will stay there some days and then visit his mother, so he can make a kind of triangular trip and he can save a ticket/time for one direction. Since I have a lot of plans for next week, I am not sure when we will see each other. But that seems to be life.
Last Christmas I gave him a gift certificate for a weekend in his old town (train ticket and hotel), but back then I assumed that I will be part of this trip. He didn’t even mention his gift certificate and because I will not be part of his trip I didn’t interfere in his planning. Back than I expected him to go to his old town more often.
I wish him to have a good time, meet a lot of his friends, make contacts again so his next visit will not be in over a half year later.
This time I am more prepared to have time for my own, I have so many ideas and plans for this weekend I probably won’t realise all of them.
Today I want to go running, join a bike demonstration, watch a movie with a new friend/neighbour and have a drink with her, go out with my good friends. But let’s see.
I miss him. Miss him so much.
On Friday I went out. First I met with some friends, later a girlfriend and I went into a discotheque. It was so great. Finally I was dancing again. I enjoyed it so much. The music was fine, the people were nice. We talked to some guys and I really was surprised by my friend. My friend couldn’t find her lighter (she is smoker) and I asked a guy to offer her light. He stayed a little while, talked to us, introduced himself. I also told him my first name, she refused. She told me later on that she thinks he was lying. Why on earth should he have told us a false name? A first name is not close to an identification, social insurance number, birth date, anything secret or private. She has a very bad opinion about men.
This guy was really polite, not a bit intrusive. She is single and can’t have an easy conversation, just a little small talk with a nice guy. It is quite sad. I also enjoy these chance encounter when going out or also during day, it is part of being human to have social life and interaction.
The rest of the weekend I stayed at home. No one of my friends had time to spend with me. They are not used any more that I am available. They have their own activities, plans, they are busy without me. It is my fault, because I have cancelled too often. Before I met my boyfriend I was an inherent part of their weekend planning.
Things have changed.
I cleaned and cleared our place, tidied up, mucked up. I was busy at home, but the fun was decreasing. I missed him because I was bored. Now it is not only he who misses his friends (in his old town). He covers almost my whole social life, losing him would cause a far-ranging change in my life. I am afraid I probably am emotional and social depended on him now.
Being with him takes a lot of time, working too, but I need to find more time to spend with my friends. I am really afraid to lose them.
Sometimes I fear he can’t deal with me. When I came home yesterday he was watching a movie, then another and after that he wanted to continue. But I asked him not to.
I asked about his day, about his mood. He started talking but asked me to stop touching him. I like it to have physical contact while talking, he obviously not. My suggestion is that it may be too much multitasking for him.
But he didn’t asked me about my day, my plans. Is he not interested?
Today I have a training and therefor had the same way to work. We get up together. I had to consider his needed time and speed. I’m much faster in the morning. In the train he just starred in his smart phone. I felt completely obsolete.
I want to spend time with him and time alone, I don’t need all this coexisting. But to him it is important and I can’t understand it/him.
And in between we have a little bit of time.
He couldn’t join his training yesterday, because his bosses didn’t let him go. So he was laying at home most evening. I prepared some fish. After eating, we watched an episode of “Black mirror” – it was so disturbing.
Time is passing and nothing is happening. We all are caught by the daily routine. Until next weekend. But how can we use our time in a way that makes sense? We have plans everyday. I miss the time slots, when I visited him on the weekend and it was just the two of us, no plans, no expectations, no everyday life.
I think it became worse since he is having his job.
We went on a kayak trip Saturday and Sunday. It was really cool. We both asked some club members of his club to join us. I only fell into the water once. But it hurt a lot.
He was very happy, I enjoyed the trip. And I was happy he was happy. 🙂
Today we will do some work for our place (build some shelves) and tomorrow we have our anniversary. We both still have time for some activity. He asked me what I want to do and I still looking for an answer.
I will be happy sitting on the balcony or cooking together.