Tag Archives: PC

incomprehension of priorities

I guess it is one of the given differences and I have to learn to live with it, but WHY does he have to play on his PC when we both have just a little time slot to attend on each other.

On Tuesday I met some former colleagues. When I returned he was busy, with his PC. It is OK that he not immediately jumps as I arrive, but he kept being busy until bedtime.

Yesterday he was out with his colleagues. It is important to him to get to know them better, maybe become friends. After work and before the evening program he came home to have dinner. He called on his way home and  him eating at home included me cooking a meal. I felt a little exploited but I did it because I expected him to spend his little time slot with me. But nothing, after having dinner he continued his PC game. Then he left to spend the evening without me.

In his defence he tried to enthuse me to play his game with him. I play some games, but I am simply not interested in this one. In his company “everyone” is playing that game. Maybe he felt like being put on the spot. I don’t know.

The game is not that bad, it is about building a rocket and sending it to the moon. But I have other stuff to do that is more important to me. He can do as he likes, but it would be great if we only have little time slots to do something with me. I have the feeling like we haven’t talked honestly in quite a long time now.

Today I am going to meet an old friend. So he has lot of time to play on his computer. When I told him that he made a very sweet sound that he prefers me to stay and keep him company or even better play with him.

But instead of me he will find a little present today. I ordered some special tea that we could not find anywhere here. He brought it from his last holiday and since then is swarming about it.

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a very long day – unthankful or taking for granted

He thinks he has to work too much. But I am the one who does much more. Yesterday I had to start my business trip at 4.50 a.m. and returned after 9 p.m. Working was exciting but all the going there and back home is quite exhausting. When I returned I was tired, but he wasn’t. He got up around 8 a.m. because he waited for the postman. He felt awake and kept me from sleeping. Even tough I was moaning all the time. He insisted to watch a movie together (My Little Pony!!). And he didn’t let me go to sleep even when I complained that such a stupid movie (and it really is) is more important than my need to sleep.

This was the one thing I got angry about and the other thing concerns shopping, again. When I bought some snack I remembered that he was going out of coffee powder. So I asked him if I should bring some coffee powder. He said yes and wanted me to buy toothpaste for him too. He is not using standard normal toothpaste but some special expensive version of it, so I refused. It is clearly something for his own personal use. Why should I buy it? I often brought his shampoo, shower gel, coffee powder, his special coffee sugar, and other special food I can’t stand but know he likes. He takes it all for granted.

I didn’t bring his toothpaste, but his coffee powder – and not even got a “thank you”. He just said, if he would have gone to an electronic retail market he would brought me a really needed hard disk for my PC. Of course I would give him the money to buy it – in contrast to him who always takes everything I buy for him as a gift. A hard disk sure is more expensive but bringing special toothpaste, his shampoo, etc. (all very clear defined quite expensive products) also adds up. And he never brings something just for me. He never bought my shampoo, etc., but it is OK, I can do it on my own as before. He is just to lazy to go shopping and never thinks about me spending money for him. While he refuses if I ask to bring me flowers 😦

We have a real problem keeping the balance. This is also an issue we should talk about, but at the moment he doesn’t think it is worth his time to sit down and talk. I kind of feel alone.


Babies everywhere – waiting for a compliment

This week was a little sad. Once again yesterday we sat in front of our PC and played this game. I went to sleep on my own, because I didn’t want to waste any more of my time and also because I was tired. I didn’t feel well, I couldn’t even pull myself together to go shopping, although it was planned.

Today I got up alone, too, and went to work a long time before him.

I am not sure if it is my perception, that I have become more sensitive about this issue, or my friends and colleagues also have grown up – but it is like it is all about babies now. Friends just became parents or grandparents, showing off with baby photos, people on the street pushing buggies, often with more than one child. Everyone and everywhere – with babies.

It starts pressuring me. And I want to talk about it with him. But we don’t talk at all. I often ask about his day, but he is tired or prefers to play with his PC. He doesn’t miss a conversation with me. He should be aware that we haven’t finished this issue yet, because I told him so when we had one of our last big fights. Back than I refused to talk, because I need to talk about this in peace. I want to tell him that I am ready if he is, that I don’t want to pressure him and that it must be a common decision. But also that I’m afraid if we just delay without time horizon that we will never be a family. I need a plan for our common future.

In a tensed situation or during a fight or in a bad mood I simply don’t want to talk about this. I planned to wait and after a couple of “good” days I want to find time and peace to start a conversation about family planning. But the chances obviously aren’t good. How can we get a child if we don’t manage to talk about the planning? It doesn’t match from the beginning. Slowly I become desperate. He senses my bad mood, but this is (as mentioned) a criterion for exclusion to talk about it.

Furthermore, I still/once again miss his appreciation. For over a week now I am waiting for a nice word, a compliment, anything sweet from him. I also miss his interest in my day, my feelings. When I ask him i.e. to ask me, I does it, but he doesn’t act of his own accord. This is a big difference to me. And he doesn’t understand it. This also is a reason why I’m becoming desperate.


PC games – winter activities

I think playing PC games is a waste of time. In winter it is sometimes OK, because you stay at home, it is dark outside, you talk online with your friends, have tea or drinks at home.

But now, when the days are long and the sun is shining. I prefer meeting people in real life, sitting somewhere outside.

Since it was a great wish of him, yesterday we stayed at home with our PC. Maybe this way it is easier to avoid me, I’m not completely healthy yet. I hope it was an exception.


He has got a job

Yesterday he signed his contract. He finally has got a job. He told me before. And he texted me instantly after. He met me for lunch.

I asked him to celebrate this event. He planned to drink beer and play some computer game in the evening. I wanted to invited him for dinner somewhere. But he didn’t like.

On Mondays there is my training, I offered to skip it and instead spend time with him. But he didn’t like.

In the end (after my training) we had a very nice evening, talking. He drank some beer, if it is his award, it is fine with me. We also talked a lot about holiday plans. He really wants me to come to his paddling week as a photographer, or to go hiking, or something else, just also come. I absolutely don’t want to.

I want to go on holiday, I also can go with a very good, maybe best friend, but it also can be him. It is just that he is going to start working on August 1st. And July is not so far away any more, so it is really time for practical plans.


Against my principles

There are days I really just want to start a fight.

Like yesterday, I returned from work and he was very busy home working. But I KNOW he just started his work about half an hour ago, so I can see how hard-working he is.

I cleaned the place because it was my turn. Therefore I had to put things away and once more noticed that he occupies so much place. He has got his desk and I have got mine, so we can keep our stuff in our own limited area. But he now also occupies another little table and removed his PC and audio boxes from under his desk. I tried so hard to reduce my stuff, made space for him and he just puts his stuff almost everywhere. When I complain he says it is not just our living-room it is also his place of work.

I was a little annoyed at this time. I finished cleaning and went to my sport training. When I came home he was having a full bath. He should feel guilty for wasting so much water/resources. He had a full bath twice last week. I just wished him a bad conscience. But I didn’t say anything. I was also annoyed because I would like to have a shower after sports and he occupied the bathroom.

Later we watched an episode. I didn’t say anything about his stuff, his waste of water, but he felt there was something going on. And in such cases he is angry with me. Sure it can never be his fault that there is a bad mood. He destroyed my cooker. I admit there is a possibility I did some preparatory work. But we looked in the internet about new cookers and finally had something to do together.

When I wanted to go to bed, he started talking about buying beer at the filling station. I just don’t understand. Why should anyone want to sit at home alone and drink beer. I explained him quite often to me alcohol is something you consume in company and with intent to go out afterwards or while going out. But he went to the filling station while I went to bed and while I slept, he drank his beer.

I just don’t understand his attitude, his way of living. I pulled myself together and we didn’t fight. But I don’t feel comfortable with the current situation.


Compulsion to do something special

Actually there are two issues:

First – we often find ourselves in a situation where we want to do something but are dissatisfied with all proposals. We look for something better, expect something special and in the end just become unhappy. Stupid expectations.

Second – he has a very strong will and I am rather tired of all our fighting during the last half-year. I give in too often, he may now is used to me giving in and I feel like he doesn’t care about me enough.

And while writing, there probably is even a third issue: attention. When we are both at home, he often starts doing something on his PC, ignoring me; BUT when I flip a book open to entertain myself, he almost immediately come to me, demands attention.

It was so easy, when we just saw each other at agreed time gaps, we both were dedicated to each other.

Living together can be pretty hard. Because we still are individuals and must find a way, not to hurt the other one when doing own stuff.