Tag Archives: making plans

a dining table and a talk

He presented me with a dining table! He had listened and obviously understood when I told him how important this is to me. We also use it now in the way I dreamed of. A place to sit, to talk, to be a family.

We have a very nice time, as long as both of us make the effort to keep our relationship working, life is great.

We went out, a friend of mine had a big party and even he happened to know someone there. We had a great time – also because we had enough time to rest and recover afterwards.

Since I got this table I invited some friends to come for a coffee. He baked his first cake ever, with my help. Working together is also something I really enjoy. He even had a nice time with my friends, although he normally is not a big fan of them. But they told some funny stories and it was a cosy atmosphere.

We also went to the indoor paddling training and I still feel my muscles ache. But in a good way. So everyone had something he/she really liked.

In the end we sat together, had a snack and talked about the plans for the coming week, for Christmas time and beyond. This week is quite planned, but everything more was even for me hard to tell. I’m not sure what to do for Christmas time. So he invited me. I can not accept this. It is full of pity, like there is no place else I belong to. I would feel like an intruder in is family routine. I rather lie than spend this time with his family. But it is not sure yet, maybe I will visit my brother, let’s see.

Both of us also has no idea what to do around New Year’s Eve. But we agreed to think about possibilities. Also for the days after, when he has plant holidays and I also decided to take some days off.

I also dared to ask further more. About plans for his life. And he said he can’t imagine having children right now. He has no idea, no concept plans for his life. But he will try to feel home here with me. I wish him to make friends, arrange himself with his job and gets ready to start a family – soon.

This was as far as I could go. Honestly, I hoped for more, but I need to give him time to think about all this. To let him find the path of his life. I just feel a little not taken too seriously. Because it seems that all my plans for life depend on him and he didn’t show any interest in helping me realise my dreams (having a family). I know I have more life experience, I am in the working process so much longer, I am finally happy with my situation, with him and I see him as the father of our children. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow, but I wait for his approval.

Here a photo of the Russian Cake (the remains I brought to share at work)

Russian Cake

Russian Cake


he is homesick

He misses his friends, his old job, his old town. He still doesn’t feel home here.

He talked to one of his friends and wants to have a similar life. Work less and spend the free time with the friends.

Sounds great, for me too, please. But I am too realistic to really expect this to happen. Because my friends are busy anyway, unlike his. And I want to have a safe job. I grew up with sentences like “Business before pleasure”. I have a strong sense of duty.

I feel sorry for him. But it is hard for me to talk and act like I can understand him not taking responsibility for his life. Until he moved in with me he tried to achieve the greatest possible success with the least effort.

It took me also quite some time to make this town my new home, for sure more than a year. So I would prefer if he just life and wait and give life the chance to become suitable. He has a job, some friends here.

If he can’t stand staying here, we would have to find a solution. But for me, as I don’t know anyone in his old town and it is much harder to find a job there, I would have to lose almost everything – to stay with him.

When he told me about his sorrow and homesickness I was not part of his thoughts. He didn’t touch me, hold me, even look at me or mention me. It was like it doesn’t concern me. After we finished I needed a moment for myself, to think about it. He asked about my conclusions and I asked him why his thoughts didn’t include me and that I am willing to find a solution. I asked if it is certain to him that he want to go back. And he said he has no clue what to do.

Our whole relationship has lost ground. How can I start talking about family planning when now everything is unsteady? We need to find a way, a place, a new life – in the worst case. But maybe now is the right moment for family planning, to give him some goals in life, to show him what is important to me, to not get blackmailed by his wishes.

I am not sure what to do. All becomes complicate instead of solve itself.


Everyday’s life

We sleep.

We work.

And in between we have a little bit of time.

He couldn’t join his training yesterday, because his bosses didn’t let him go. So he was laying at home most evening. I prepared some fish. After eating, we watched an episode of “Black mirror” – it was so disturbing.

Time is passing and nothing is happening. We all are caught by the daily routine. Until next weekend. But how can we use our time in a way that makes sense? We have plans everyday. I miss the time slots, when I visited him on the weekend and it was just the two of us, no plans, no expectations, no everyday life.

I think it became worse since he is having his job.


the weekend bargain

My former best friend, still a good friend, will marry soon. And I am invited. He too. But he didn’t want to accompany me. Last year his cousin married and I was so So I suggested a deal: he shall determine the activities for the last and the up-coming weekend and then he will accompany me.

He always needs to have more pull!

His plans didn’t work and so he demanded a plan B of me. We had some drama and a fight. But it was good insofar I could talk with him about talking and other stuff too. At least on Sunday we could go paddling, what he really wanted for the whole weekend, but we have high-water and therefore we needed some more good paddler (in case to save me). We had a 6 hours car trip to go 1 and 1/2 hours (me) or 2 hours (him) paddling. I don’t think it paid off, but he does and I keep quiet. It was his weekend after all.

When we went home, the sun came out and we saw a rainbow.

This time I chose the blue boat, it is bigger, more volume to stay over water (rubber duck effect!)

This time I chose the blue boat, it is bigger, more volume to stay over water (rubber duck effect!)

Rainbow when coming home the highway

Rainbow when coming home the highway


Watching the water

Yesterday he wanted us to go out. I wanted to stay at home. In the end we went to the water, watched dogs and swans, people and ships …. and had a really good talk.

Maybe it is better to talk on neutral territory, also because there were no distractions, no PC, no mobile phones. We talked about work, about holiday planning, about the up-coming weekends. There was no result, what to do, but we had a good conversation and if one of us has a more concrete plan, we can continue the planning.

It was so relaxed, I would like to go and sit there more often. The problem is just, it is getting colder sitting outside. But we still have a little summer left.

water water


Holidays

I’m on holiday. This morning we had a flash back.

Monday earliest morning he kissed me good-bye at the door so I get the first train home. Just this time it was not from his former place, but our place and I went home to my family. But the whole situation was like when we had our long-distance relationship.

After a week living just next to each other we had a really great weekend. He cared and was so attentive. I told him that he is great and how much I appreciate his behaviour. I hope he will be like this more often.

Now I have some days off – off work, off him. I stay with my family. My sister and her husband need to do some work on their place and I offered to take care of her children. My mother and I wanted to share them, but now she is sick and I had to take care of her, of cooking, laundry, three little children. It was quite a day. My sister and her husband came for lunch and I was so glad, when she at least took the youngest with her. He cried a lot and I didn’t now if and what he is allowed to eat.

I hope he misses me and will be happy when I will come home again. He told me he wants me to accompany him to his camp next year, I should save two weeks of my holidays. The other thing is his company closes in winter and he has to take two weeks of his holidays there. He hasn’t aske if I will also go on holiday to do something together. Let’s see.


Programm for the evening

Yesterday he wanted to go to his training and I was at a works outing and should return come home late. But I didn’t feel like drinking in a tavern, so I said goodbye after the cultural part. I texted him that I would return earlier than expected and cook so when he will return from his training we could eat together. He answered he felt sick and stayed at home. I bought something for dinner and went home. We watched an episode together. Then he sat at his PC, let me do the cooking. We ate together. Then he sat at his PC, let me do the dirty dishes. He asked: what will we do? But not even looked at me.

I finished my work and started reading a nice book. This was when he came to me, started bothering me. He thought I was angry. And indeed, I was. Especially because after he ignored me he not even let me read!

We went out for a walk. I told him, I didn’t feel well either. I’m very tired lately and really confused after waking up. Normally I’m an early bird. He suggested I should go to bed after coming home.

But when we arrived he took a bath – blocked the bathroom/tube. And having a shower is part of my go-to-bed-routine. I was angry and sad, because he not even thought about my needs after our walk and talk.

Of course I’m happy to spend time together, but when we planned the week we scheduled our couple time on Wednesday (today). Yesterday I cooked, we talked. We did all the smooth together stuff, I expected to do today.

He asked what we will do today and I have no clue.

I’m tired, I don’t want to have a drink, the weather forecast predicts mostly rain. There is a lot I don’t want to do, but this doesn’t help – I know. Sometimes it is better not to spend too much time together…