Tag Archives: friends

incomprehension of priorities

I guess it is one of the given differences and I have to learn to live with it, but WHY does he have to play on his PC when we both have just a little time slot to attend on each other.

On Tuesday I met some former colleagues. When I returned he was busy, with his PC. It is OK that he not immediately jumps as I arrive, but he kept being busy until bedtime.

Yesterday he was out with his colleagues. It is important to him to get to know them better, maybe become friends. After work and before the evening program he came home to have dinner. He called on his way home and  him eating at home included me cooking a meal. I felt a little exploited but I did it because I expected him to spend his little time slot with me. But nothing, after having dinner he continued his PC game. Then he left to spend the evening without me.

In his defence he tried to enthuse me to play his game with him. I play some games, but I am simply not interested in this one. In his company “everyone” is playing that game. Maybe he felt like being put on the spot. I don’t know.

The game is not that bad, it is about building a rocket and sending it to the moon. But I have other stuff to do that is more important to me. He can do as he likes, but it would be great if we only have little time slots to do something with me. I have the feeling like we haven’t talked honestly in quite a long time now.

Today I am going to meet an old friend. So he has lot of time to play on his computer. When I told him that he made a very sweet sound that he prefers me to stay and keep him company or even better play with him.

But instead of me he will find a little present today. I ordered some special tea that we could not find anywhere here. He brought it from his last holiday and since then is swarming about it.

Advertisements

too busy

He is back. But we are too busy.

I didn’t miss him. I didn’t do half of the stuff I planned to when he was away. But I was busy with myself and it was OK without him. Now he is back. I first saw him when I came back from my exercise. We had over two hours before bedtime, but I had to take a shower, to eat, to recover. His mail-server seems to die so he had to do a back-up of his data. That’s why actually there were only a few minutes left to spend together before sleeping.

And it will go on like this for this week and maybe for this month, because it is pre- Christmas period. I have some friends to meet as a tradition of our friendship. My colleagues in work and also my company invited my for Christmas parties. Besides I have some days to work out of town. So I am busy and he has a similar schedule independent from my plans.

How do other people live that busy? I really start asking myself how other couples are satisfied with the little time they can spend with each other in such busy periods. For example my officemate: he commutes every day to work, he sometimes/often stays in town to meet friends in the evening, he has two little children and his wife. How can they spend enough time together? Are they both too busy to miss togetherness?

For me, and for us, I probably should reserve a date night again, so we have time for each other during this stressful times! Let’s see if there still is an evening not reserved in both of our schedules.


a weekend alone – again

FINALLY he is on his way to visit his friends in his old town. It is now over half a year he last saw them. Lately he talked to them on the telephone, but I am glad they finally found a weekend to actually meet.

He will stay there some days and then visit his mother, so he can make a kind of triangular trip and he can save a ticket/time for one direction. Since I have a lot of plans for next week, I am not sure when we will see each other. But that seems to be life.

Last Christmas I gave him a gift certificate for a weekend in his old town (train ticket and hotel), but back then I assumed that I will be part of this trip. He didn’t even mention his gift certificate and because I will not be part of his trip I didn’t interfere in his planning. Back than I expected him to go to his old town more often.

I wish him to have a good time, meet a lot of his friends, make contacts again so his next visit will not be in over a half year later.

This time I am more prepared to have time for my own, I have so many ideas and plans for this weekend I probably won’t realise all of them.

Today I want to go running, join a bike demonstration, watch a movie with a new friend/neighbour and have a drink with her, go out with my good friends. But let’s see.


a dining table and a talk

He presented me with a dining table! He had listened and obviously understood when I told him how important this is to me. We also use it now in the way I dreamed of. A place to sit, to talk, to be a family.

We have a very nice time, as long as both of us make the effort to keep our relationship working, life is great.

We went out, a friend of mine had a big party and even he happened to know someone there. We had a great time – also because we had enough time to rest and recover afterwards.

Since I got this table I invited some friends to come for a coffee. He baked his first cake ever, with my help. Working together is also something I really enjoy. He even had a nice time with my friends, although he normally is not a big fan of them. But they told some funny stories and it was a cosy atmosphere.

We also went to the indoor paddling training and I still feel my muscles ache. But in a good way. So everyone had something he/she really liked.

In the end we sat together, had a snack and talked about the plans for the coming week, for Christmas time and beyond. This week is quite planned, but everything more was even for me hard to tell. I’m not sure what to do for Christmas time. So he invited me. I can not accept this. It is full of pity, like there is no place else I belong to. I would feel like an intruder in is family routine. I rather lie than spend this time with his family. But it is not sure yet, maybe I will visit my brother, let’s see.

Both of us also has no idea what to do around New Year’s Eve. But we agreed to think about possibilities. Also for the days after, when he has plant holidays and I also decided to take some days off.

I also dared to ask further more. About plans for his life. And he said he can’t imagine having children right now. He has no idea, no concept plans for his life. But he will try to feel home here with me. I wish him to make friends, arrange himself with his job and gets ready to start a family – soon.

This was as far as I could go. Honestly, I hoped for more, but I need to give him time to think about all this. To let him find the path of his life. I just feel a little not taken too seriously. Because it seems that all my plans for life depend on him and he didn’t show any interest in helping me realise my dreams (having a family). I know I have more life experience, I am in the working process so much longer, I am finally happy with my situation, with him and I see him as the father of our children. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow, but I wait for his approval.

Here a photo of the Russian Cake (the remains I brought to share at work)

Russian Cake

Russian Cake


he is homesick

He misses his friends, his old job, his old town. He still doesn’t feel home here.

He talked to one of his friends and wants to have a similar life. Work less and spend the free time with the friends.

Sounds great, for me too, please. But I am too realistic to really expect this to happen. Because my friends are busy anyway, unlike his. And I want to have a safe job. I grew up with sentences like “Business before pleasure”. I have a strong sense of duty.

I feel sorry for him. But it is hard for me to talk and act like I can understand him not taking responsibility for his life. Until he moved in with me he tried to achieve the greatest possible success with the least effort.

It took me also quite some time to make this town my new home, for sure more than a year. So I would prefer if he just life and wait and give life the chance to become suitable. He has a job, some friends here.

If he can’t stand staying here, we would have to find a solution. But for me, as I don’t know anyone in his old town and it is much harder to find a job there, I would have to lose almost everything – to stay with him.

When he told me about his sorrow and homesickness I was not part of his thoughts. He didn’t touch me, hold me, even look at me or mention me. It was like it doesn’t concern me. After we finished I needed a moment for myself, to think about it. He asked about my conclusions and I asked him why his thoughts didn’t include me and that I am willing to find a solution. I asked if it is certain to him that he want to go back. And he said he has no clue what to do.

Our whole relationship has lost ground. How can I start talking about family planning when now everything is unsteady? We need to find a way, a place, a new life – in the worst case. But maybe now is the right moment for family planning, to give him some goals in life, to show him what is important to me, to not get blackmailed by his wishes.

I am not sure what to do. All becomes complicate instead of solve itself.


lonely despite relationship

I miss him. Miss him so much.

On Friday I went out. First I met with some friends, later a girlfriend and I went into a discotheque. It was so great. Finally I was dancing again. I enjoyed it so much. The music was fine, the people were nice. We talked to some guys and I really was surprised by my friend. My friend couldn’t find her lighter (she is smoker) and I asked a guy to offer her light. He stayed a little while, talked to us, introduced himself. I also told him my first name, she refused. She told me later on that she thinks he was lying. Why on earth should he have told us a false name? A first name is not close to an identification, social insurance number, birth date, anything secret or private. She has a very bad opinion about men.

This guy was really polite, not a bit intrusive. She is single and can’t have an easy conversation, just a little small talk with a nice guy. It is quite sad. I also enjoy these chance encounter when going out or also during day, it is part of being human to have social life and interaction.

The rest of the weekend I stayed at home. No one of my friends had time to spend with me. They are not used any more that I am available. They have their own activities, plans, they are busy without me. It is my fault, because I have cancelled too often. Before I met my boyfriend I was an inherent part of their weekend planning.

Things have changed.

I cleaned and cleared our place, tidied up, mucked up. I was busy at home, but the fun was decreasing. I missed him because I was bored. Now it is not only he who misses his friends (in his old town). He covers almost my whole social life, losing him would cause a far-ranging change in my life. I am afraid I probably am emotional and social depended on him now.

Being with him takes a lot of time, working too, but I need to find more time to spend with my friends. I am really afraid to lose them.


priorities – a weekend alone

It feels so good that I am important to him. He didn’t even watch a movie without me. So we had a nice conversation, about us. It even became funny when he tried to imitate me. I couldn’t stop laughing. I still hope that it is not actually the way I behave. Maybe to him it is not so funny, but when I laughed so hardly he also had to.

So we are fine again. And it was a relief that he left when our relationship is not in trouble. He will not be here for the next days. And I am going to enjoy to have the place to my own. It is great that we still live together and I really hope it will stay like this, but sometimes some days without him make it easier. May I miss him. I hope so.

I told him to call me when he will arrive. He has to go some hours and I also told him to drive safely. I want to know that he will be well received. Then I will meet my friends, go out and have a lot of fun.

Since there is nothing to worry about our relationship I can switch off.

Maybe I have to suffer tomorrow, but it is good to meet my friends with all consequences 🙂