Tag Archives: family planning

happily ever after

Sure, we have some argument once in a while, but we manage to end them peacefully in a very short time.

After almost 10 month of living together we finally are a “match made in heaven” – I like this words I found in the dictionary and I really think it explains our time together.

But this leads to another “problem”. How can I continue this blog, when nothing “happens” any more?

My only idea is to stop writing for a while and continue when we start our family planning. It may not be the living together in the focus of these upcoming stories, but it also effects the way we will treat us.

So have a nice time and I hope to continue soon. ūüôā


a dining table and a talk

He presented me with a dining table! He had listened and obviously understood when I told him how important this is to me. We also use it now in the way I dreamed of. A place to sit, to talk, to be a family.

We have a very nice time, as long as both of us make the effort to keep our relationship working, life is great.

We went out, a friend of mine had a big party and even he happened to know someone there. We had a great time – also because we had enough time to rest and recover afterwards.

Since I got this table I invited some friends to come for a coffee. He baked his first cake ever, with my help. Working together is also something I really enjoy. He even had a nice time with my friends, although he normally is not a big fan of them. But they told some funny stories and it was a cosy atmosphere.

We also went to the indoor paddling training and I still feel my muscles ache. But in a good way. So everyone had something he/she really liked.

In the end we sat together, had a snack and talked about the plans for the coming week, for Christmas time and beyond. This week is quite planned, but everything more was even for me hard to tell. I’m not sure what to do for Christmas time. So he invited me. I can not accept this. It is full of pity, like there is no place else¬†I belong to. I would feel like an intruder in is family routine. I rather lie than spend this time with his family. But it is not sure yet, maybe I will visit my brother, let’s see.

Both of us also has no idea what to do around New Year’s Eve. But we agreed to think about possibilities. Also for the days after, when he has plant holidays and I also decided to take some days off.

I also dared to ask further more. About plans for his life. And he said he can’t imagine having children right now. He has no idea, no concept plans for his life. But he will try to feel home here with me. I wish him to¬†make friends, arrange himself with his job and gets ready to start a family – soon.

This was as far as I could go. Honestly, I hoped for more, but I need to give him time to think about all this. To let him find the path of his life. I just feel a little not taken too seriously. Because it seems that all my plans for life depend on him and he didn’t show any interest in helping me¬†realise¬†my dreams (having a family). I know I have more life experience, I am in the working¬†process¬†so much longer, I am finally happy with my situation, with him and I see him as the father of our children. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow, but I wait for his approval.

Here a photo of the Russian Cake (the remains I brought to share at work)

Russian Cake

Russian Cake

he is homesick

He misses his friends, his old job, his old town. He still doesn’t feel home here.

He talked to one of his friends and wants to have a similar life. Work less and spend the free time with the friends.

Sounds great, for me too, please. But I am too realistic to really expect this to happen. Because my friends are busy anyway, unlike his. And I want to have a safe job. I grew up with sentences like “Business before pleasure”. I have a strong sense of duty.

I feel sorry for him. But it is hard for me to talk and act like I can understand him not taking responsibility for his life. Until he moved in with me he tried to achieve the greatest possible success with the least effort.

It took me also quite some time to make this town my new home, for sure more than a year. So I would prefer if he just life and wait and give life the chance to become suitable. He has a job, some friends here.

If he can’t stand staying here, we would have to find a solution. But for me, as I don’t know anyone in his old town and it is much harder to find a job there, I would have to lose almost everything – to stay with him.

When he told me about his sorrow and homesickness I was not part of his thoughts. He didn’t touch me, hold me, even look at me or mention me. It was like it doesn’t concern me. After we finished I needed a moment for myself, to think about it. He asked about my conclusions and I asked him why his thoughts didn’t include me and that I am willing to find a solution. I asked if it is certain to him that he want to go back. And he said he has no clue what to do.

Our whole relationship has lost ground. How can I start talking about family planning when now everything is unsteady? We need to find a way, a place, a new life – in the worst case. But maybe now is the right moment for family planning, to give him some goals in life, to show him what is important to me, to not get blackmailed by his wishes.

I am not sure what to do. All becomes complicate instead of solve itself.

Visiting a friend with baby

Yesterday it was so grown-up. Me and him went after work to a friend’s house. I waited outside for him. Then we visited my good friend with her husband and their 3 month old baby.

We had dinner, I brought flowers and cake. The baby was so sweet. Her husband was very nice and – very important – included my boyfriend in the conversation. Time was flying. I really didn’t notice and was glad my boyfriend asked to leave.

On our way home I wanted to know if the evening was OK to him. He complained that my friend and I talked to much about common friends and that it took me so long to say good-bye. He may be right about these points, but that is me. I still hope he will go with me on my next appointment with one of my friends.

I try to meet more of my “adult” friends since he doesn’t like my “party” friends, I used to spend a lot of time with. But since I met him the contact with my best friends has¬†loosened. I’m aware that I neglect them too much, but I am sad to notice that they hardly ask me to go out on weekends.

It is better, if he likes my friends and I am thankful that he handles my “grown-up” friends better. It was also a kind of double date to meet another couple. But he was not really interested in the baby – one of the reasons I asked him to go with me.

Maybe I should invite him to a meeting and give him a list of topics we need to talk about – like in my professional live?

Babies everywhere – waiting for a compliment

This week was a little sad. Once again yesterday we sat in front of our PC and played this game.¬†I¬†went to sleep on my own, because I didn’t want to waste any more of my time and also because I was tired. I didn’t feel well, I couldn’t even pull myself together to go shopping, although it was planned.

Today I got up alone, too, and went to work a long time before him.

I am not sure if it is my perception, that I have become more sensitive about this issue, or my friends and colleagues also have grown up – but it is like it is all about babies now.¬†Friends just became parents or grandparents, showing off with baby¬†photos,¬†people on the street pushing buggies,¬†often with more than one child. Everyone and everywhere –¬†with babies.

It starts pressuring me. And I want to talk about it with him. But we don’t talk at all. I often ask about his day, but he is tired or prefers to play with his PC. He doesn’t miss a conversation with me. He should be aware that we haven’t finished this issue yet, because I told him so when we had one of our last big fights. Back than I refused to talk, because¬†I need to talk about this in peace. I want to tell him that I am ready if he is, that I don’t want to pressure him and that it must be a common decision. But also that I’m afraid if we just delay without time horizon that we will never be a family. I need a plan for our common future.

In a tensed situation or during a fight or in a bad mood I simply don’t want to talk about this. I planned to wait and after a couple of “good” days I want to find time and peace to start a conversation about family planning. But the chances obviously aren’t good. How can we get a child if we don’t manage to talk about the planning? It doesn’t match from the beginning. Slowly I become desperate. He senses my bad mood, but this is (as mentioned) a criterion for exclusion to talk about it.

Furthermore, I still/once again¬†miss¬†his appreciation. For over a week now I am waiting for a nice word, a compliment, anything sweet from him.¬†I also miss his interest in my day, my feelings. When I ask him i.e. to ask me, I does it, but he doesn’t act of his own accord. This is a big difference to me. And he doesn’t understand it. This also is a reason why I’m becoming¬†desperate.

expectations – once again

Yesterday I was quite fit, today I’m convalescent, tomorrow I will be back to work.

Since I was a little fit yesterday, I used the afternoon to cook one of his favorite meals, I normally refuse to because it is¬†rather laborious. I almost spent the whole afternoon doing so, also because I felt a little weak in between. He was informed, since he doesn’t like surprises. When he came home, he complained that the dinner was not ready. I waited for him to come to start the side dish. If dinner would be ready when he arrived, he would have complained that he can’t have time to arrive mentally or that I stress him. So no matter how I do it is wrong. I hate this.

When we ate, I asked, if he likes it. After all it was his favorite meal. He said I could have added more of a certain spice. He finished 3 portions and lay down on the couch. I cleaned the table and the kitchen, did the washing up. Then I went to bed. I felt so depressed. No thank you – for the meal or for my effort, no word about it has been good or anything.

After a while he followed me. Then he said sorry. I asked what for. He said sorry he has a bad day. I left saying have your bad day without me.

I can give so much effort, he never will be thankful or anything, he never has the wish to do something nice for me. Doing something for him is just a waste of time. There is nothing coming back, no appreciation.

Later he patted my back and said let’s be good again. But this doesn’t make anything well again. And he doesn’t understand. If he cares about me, he would also care about my feelings. And he doesn’t!

Before sleeping we reconciled, but I started to think about asking him to move out. He only cares about himself, he doesn’t even see what efforts I make for him. But it doesn’t feel right any more. I really want a family – with children, but I lose faith it will happen with him. I always have a plan B, but I am froward and I want to hold on to HIM.

Back to fighting

Yesterday I met a “good old friend” who just got a baby. I have told him weeks before and asked if he wanted to join. He never has said that he would like to.

So I left him a note with the address and that he probably won’t come but to give him the opportunity.

I had a nice time with my friend. Her baby is such a cute one. After about 3 hours he texted when I plan to come home. We had lost time Рbut in a good way. But when we noticed we said good-bye.

At home he starred at the PC, I changed and he said something stupid about my clothes, then he complained that my note was unfriendly. I was in a good mood – until he started moaning. He insisted we need to talk. In the end we start fighting. He wanted to have fun – after he destroyed my good mood.

He was also drinking beer and I told him, I’m worried about his alcohol consumption.

We fought in the evening and continued in the morning.

When I returned I really wanted to talk to him about us having a baby. But at the moment there is no use in making plans for a common future. He is too egocentric, he just expects me to take care of him, comfort him, get him into the mood… But he doesn’t think one moment about my condition. That hurts. At the moment it feels like a dead end.