Tag Archives: company

too busy

He is back. But we are too busy.

I didn’t miss him. I didn’t do half of the stuff I planned to when he was away. But I was busy with myself and it was OK without him. Now he is back. I first saw him when I came back from my exercise. We had over two hours before bedtime, but I had to take a shower, to eat, to recover. His mail-server seems to die so he had to do a back-up of his data. That’s why actually there were only a few minutes left to spend together before sleeping.

And it will go on like this for this week and maybe for this month, because it is pre- Christmas period. I have some friends to meet as a tradition of our friendship. My colleagues in work and also my company invited my for Christmas parties. Besides I have some days to work out of town. So I am busy and he has a similar schedule independent from my plans.

How do other people live that busy? I really start asking myself how other couples are satisfied with the little time they can spend with each other in such busy periods. For example my officemate: he commutes every day to work, he sometimes/often stays in town to meet friends in the evening, he has two little children and his wife. How can they spend enough time together? Are they both too busy to miss togetherness?

For me, and for us, I probably should reserve a date night again, so we have time for each other during this stressful times! Let’s see if there still is an evening not reserved in both of our schedules.


up-comming weekend – the plan

We will go on holiday!

Kind of. He will attend a paddling course and because it is about 6-8 hours away, I decided to accompany him. I also asked my best friend to join me, so I won’t be alone during the course times.

We will meet at noon. We packed and prepared everything yesterday. We will bring our bikes and I printed maps and offers of possible activities.

I pointed out that I just join this trip, so my boyfriend won’t have to drive that far alone again. All week we were busy. There was no moment of quality time, not a slot to be a couple. I miss this and him; and I am also waiting for a sign of appreciation.

His relatives

His mother and grandmother came for a visit. It was a nice and easy time. He doesn’t spend a lot of time with them over the year. So I was not sure if he would have prefered to have time with them alone.

But he asked me to join and so I did. We went swimming, sight-seeing.

His cousin who also lives in our city wanted to join too. But he didn’t want her to. She asked about our plans and he kept answering that she should make plans directly with his mother or grandmother. In the end she texted him that she will meet us at a station we wanted to see. But she had no idea which time we will be there. That was kind of strange, just go somewhere and expect other people also coming/being there without any organisation.

In the end we didn’t meet her. But he was angry, because she ignored his answers. His mother and grandmother visited her after saying good-bye to us.

He insists on what he believes, he is stubborn too. He is so much like me.

Going in circles

Time is passing, but the issues stay the same, the same thoughts, the same troubles and complaints, the same obsessions with which we may can’t live after all. These days are no fun. I fold myself, lock the door, and sit around in my pajamas, rather. I’m not existent. The telephone is off as is the internet connection. Just breathing, being myself. I want to life, not only operate.
Before I will have cabin fever once again.

It seems to be a logistic master piece to get rid of him in a nice way without him being offended. I just don’t want to explain myself. Even he doesn’t my concern. He prefers to have company almost all the time. If I don’t have time he immediately calls someone else to spend time with. Some there-could-have-been-something-more-acquaintance claimed I couldn’t spend time with myself. But in fact he had a problem because I am committed that no one can do nothing. Everyone always do something, even if it is just starring in the air.
Despite this I am jealous of his mobile heater. As soon as I get up in the morning (I have to work), he turns the heater on. He replaces my. When he is angry with my, he even does this in my presence.
I don’t need that much attention or action. I like talking with friends, reading, even running is an iterating process. I prefer a safe lifestyle.
He needs the kick, the action, the challenge. And most of all attention.

This week I will have some time without him to enjoy just being alone. He is fit again and will visit his parents for a week. But he “threatened” to cancel his holiday plans, going to France for 10 tens with some sportsmen – without me. He thinks he will miss me too much. 😮

He also was at his first job interview yesterday, we both have good hope he will get the job. He talked about it over and over, but when I wanted to know what they said about his condition of just working 30 hours he sang small, he didn’t dare to ask. I am just glad and hope he will get his acceptance soon.

rainy boring weekend, but he is getting better

On Saturday a doctor came and he also called the doctor yesterday, because he didn’t make real progress in getting healthy again. He demanded tea and soup and entertainment. At least he obeyed some of my advises.

In the evening the had a telephone call of a friend and they talked about his job interview tomorrow. Later he complained that I ask not enough about his job search, about his ideas and his life. He told me some questions I should have asked. But I could have answered all of them myself, because we talk again and again also about his job applications and about possible jobs and everything in context with these.

Actually he wants to spend just for about 30-32 hours in the company, because he will have to travel to work which he counts as working time. I told him it is not easy to get such a job, companies look for full-time workers. In my world self-realisation should not come first before he even has got a job. We have complete different ideas of this issue, that is also why I am not eager for talking about jobs with him.

He claims there are things people just can’t. And he can’t work 38,5 hours and travel to and from work 7 hours a week. It will be too much.

I am afraid for my personal plans for the future, if he can’t get a job because of unreasonable concepts, we can’t start a family. And the other problem: if he just can’t work full-time, because he simply can’t (is not able, overstrained) – how can he take care of a child?

I told him, if you are responsible you just do your job, no matter if you can or can’t. Sometimes it is about the existence. I brought up a marathon runner as an example. A human body is not made to run that far, but if you want or must it is possible. Most people don’t have the luxury to even think about if they can, they have to. Their basic needs have to be covered, it is about existence. But he once had psychological problems and now this is his excuse for everything. I was always responsible for my siblings, for the household (may it should have my mother’s duty, but it was mine), I had no possibility to just quit, saying: I can’t.

That is why I have no understanding for his point of view and I will not fake it! That is why I will not start a discussion about his ideas of a job. If he not even wants to be responsible for his own life (he still gets money from his parents)… I don’t know. I hope this is not an issue to separate, but I can’t be generous knowing that he is to demanding to get a job.

Against my principles

There are days I really just want to start a fight.

Like yesterday, I returned from work and he was very busy home working. But I KNOW he just started his work about half an hour ago, so I can see how hard-working he is.

I cleaned the place because it was my turn. Therefore I had to put things away and once more noticed that he occupies so much place. He has got his desk and I have got mine, so we can keep our stuff in our own limited area. But he now also occupies another little table and removed his PC and audio boxes from under his desk. I tried so hard to reduce my stuff, made space for him and he just puts his stuff almost everywhere. When I complain he says it is not just our living-room it is also his place of work.

I was a little annoyed at this time. I finished cleaning and went to my sport training. When I came home he was having a full bath. He should feel guilty for wasting so much water/resources. He had a full bath twice last week. I just wished him a bad conscience. But I didn’t say anything. I was also annoyed because I would like to have a shower after sports and he occupied the bathroom.

Later we watched an episode. I didn’t say anything about his stuff, his waste of water, but he felt there was something going on. And in such cases he is angry with me. Sure it can never be his fault that there is a bad mood. He destroyed my cooker. I admit there is a possibility I did some preparatory work. But we looked in the internet about new cookers and finally had something to do together.

When I wanted to go to bed, he started talking about buying beer at the filling station. I just don’t understand. Why should anyone want to sit at home alone and drink beer. I explained him quite often to me alcohol is something you consume in company and with intent to go out afterwards or while going out. But he went to the filling station while I went to bed and while I slept, he drank his beer.

I just don’t understand his attitude, his way of living. I pulled myself together and we didn’t fight. But I don’t feel comfortable with the current situation.

If you really love me you would like garlic

A friend of mine asked to join him and another friend in a coffeehouse. I texted him, even though we had appointed the evening for couple stuff – just in case.

He answered he still is sick, has a cold. So I refused my friend’s invitation. When I came home, he wanted to go for a walk. It was heavily raining. I wanted to stay at home. He measured his blood pressure, moaned about his needs to do sports, but having a cold. I suggested if we go for a walk we could pass the coffeehouse my friend told me to be. He refused. He didn’t want to.

I decided to go with him midway and then join my friend for a short time. He said: I give in, but I really don’t like it. I got angry. He could have said: for my sake or something like this. If he didn’t want to go there, I didn’t want him to be there! It was the first time we both land in this blind alley of communication. That’s why I have chosen today’s title after one of Paul Watzlawick‘s books.

We talked a lot walking through the rain. My shoes and socks got all wet and he approved to warm-up in the coffeehouse before going home again.