Category Archives: off topic

lonely despite relationship

I miss him. Miss him so much.

On Friday I went out. First I met with some friends, later a girlfriend and I went into a discotheque. It was so great. Finally I was dancing again. I enjoyed it so much. The music was fine, the people were nice. We talked to some guys and I really was surprised by my friend. My friend couldn’t find her lighter (she is smoker) and I asked a guy to offer her light. He stayed a little while, talked to us, introduced himself. I also told him my first name, she refused. She told me later on that she thinks he was lying. Why on earth should he have told us a false name? A first name is not close to an identification, social insurance number, birth date, anything secret or private. She has a very bad opinion about men.

This guy was really polite, not a bit intrusive. She is single and can’t have an easy conversation, just a little small talk with a nice guy. It is quite sad. I also enjoy these chance encounter when going out or also during day, it is part of being human to have social life and interaction.

The rest of the weekend I stayed at home. No one of my friends had time to spend with me. They are not used any more that I am available. They have their own activities, plans, they are busy without me. It is my fault, because I have cancelled too often. Before I met my boyfriend I was an inherent part of their weekend planning.

Things have changed.

I cleaned and cleared our place, tidied up, mucked up. I was busy at home, but the fun was decreasing. I missed him because I was bored. Now it is not only he who misses his friends (in his old town). He covers almost my whole social life, losing him would cause a far-ranging change in my life. I am afraid I probably am emotional and social depended on him now.

Being with him takes a lot of time, working too, but I need to find more time to spend with my friends. I am really afraid to lose them.


talking and understanding

A bed-wetter goes to the psychologist.

Later a friend asked him, if he could solve his problems.

He said: No, but it doesn’t bother me anymore.

He told me this joke so I can understand how he has to deal with his (illogical) worries.

He claimed once again that I have depressive behaviour.

He thinks I must take more care of myself, he is probably right.

At least we get along again.

attention whore

As a matter of fact I didn’t break the contact to my ex. We still have an on-going conversation via e-mail, but exchange just one or two mails a month. We call it trial of a friendship. But I know it is not right.

When he wrote the first time, I told my boyfriend. He was not happy about it, but said, he is OK with it. Back then I also told him, we stopped writing. At this moment I really thought that way, because I didn’t get an answer for very long time.

I know it is not good, because of my new relationship, not fair because of my boyfriend and I’m aware it won’t end good for me either. Every time this ex showed himself it ended in disappointment.

So why should it be different this time?

I thought very hardly about it and it may is because of the same reason me and my boyfriend start to fight once in a while. I need attention. It may is the same reason I write this blog. I want to tell about myself.

Before I learned how to write I played to be a car radio, then I started and never ended writing about my life and experiences.

I have friends. And I can tell them a lot, but it happened that I lost a person to talk to about everything. It is probably very rare but I really had someone like this, but when his father died all my problems seemed to be so minor compared to this. So I stopped telling him everything and our friendship developed in a different stage.

My ex never can or is willing to take this place in my life. But he seems to be interested. And this is my weak point. He is married, has a child, lives far away. I never want to be with him again, but I still understand why I have fallen for him.

I feel so bad that I can’t bring myself to quit having contact. It does feel like cheating.

Old browser – no wordpress

Since my browser was no longer working with I could not open or write an article.

Now I am back, but I miss the old look of wordpress, the possibility to check for mistakes and typos, to just choose used tags…

I need to get used to this new wordpress…

The end of relationships

Some time ago I told about a friend. She visited me and started ignoring me. I wanted to give her some stuff back and get my boyfriend’s book she borrowed instead. So I texted her, when she will have time for me to come and exchange things. She answered she would be out-of-town some days. I waited and wrote again, if she manages to tell me when she will have time. Her reply was: I should not be so insulting. ha? At least she also specified a time slot.

I was more than polite. I came. She opened the door. We exchanged. “Here” – “Thanks” – “Have a nice day” And I left. When going home by bike my legs trembled.

I don’t have many friends and it is very sad to lose one. But her behaviour when she was my gust is just unacceptable. We have common friends, so maybe some day we will meet again and have a nice conversation. At the moment I can see no chance to be friends with her. It was like ending a relationship. It affected me a lot.


The other occurence was a message of my … former boyfriend(?). He called me his girlfriend, even wanted to marry me. From my point of view we never passed the getting to know phase. His message was nothing special: “how are you? kind regards”. He writes like almost every half a year. Last time he wrote: “are you dead?” which gave me a lot of reason to be upset. This time I asked about his motivation and that I don’t like that I even consider about it. I just don’t want to. I also think it is unfair towards my boyfriend.

He (the ex) apologized and claimed we both were victims of his new smart phone’s auto-complete function. I hardly believe it. His new smartphone should not know anything about me. I just want to forget the incident. I don’t want to be involved with this. I hope this time he will leave me alone more than the usual half a year.

Timeout in Oslo

I have been to Oslo before. In March 2011 there was lot of snow. Everything was wet and a putrid smell of wet textiles and furniture. It was fun, but also disappointing.

This time I experience Oslo in summer. It seems to be a big construction side, everywhere people are working, building, repairing.

But it looks much cleaner, and of course the smell is better, too.

I have a room with a great view on the sea.

View from hotel  room

It was quite difficult to find an ATM. I walked around over an hour and had to try three machines to get some Norwegian money. I was so thirsty. So I first bought some water, juice and a kanelbolle (cinnamon bun).

Then I strolled around…

Oslo S StortingetRadhusetNobels FredssenterOperaenVery nice sights, but I was very surprised to see the slide on the roof of a ship. Seems I don’t have to become 60 to want to go on a cruise.

Ship with slide

Finally summer/sun/weekend

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advertisement “Relax we’ve got IT covered”

Finally it is weekend, and on my way home I saw some funny advertisement.

Finally sunny, finally summer, finally weekend, finally alone. I haven’t heart of him. He was online yesterday but didn’t reply. I have a long list of stuff to do. I don’t really like right now, I enjoy sitting in the sun …. some more minutes.