Monthly Archives: September 2014

he and my second best friend

He really doesn’t like my second best friend. That is why he didn’t come with me to this friend’s birthday party.

He says this friend always acts like the queen be, just talks about himself, isn’t interested in other persons, forces a manipulation of the atmosphere according to his mood, and such things.

He may be right.

If my good friend and I would meet right now, we may not become friends. But since we know each other that long, I’m used to him.

My boyfriend and I can spend time separately, but since he works the weekends become more important to spend time together.

My second best friend is also a very good friend of my best friend, and we have a big common circle of friends. If I avoid him – to spend more time with my boyfriend – I would have to avoid most of them too. Because he would be hurt if I meet all the others without him.

I would prefer to spend time with all of them, sometimes even together, like when we have a barbecue or at a party. But it seems not to be possible. I will have to decide with whom I want to spend my time, and I hate this situation. 😦

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wedding and mountain

On Friday we went separate ways. I joined the birthday party of my second best friend and he visited a friend. But we decided to go home together, met on our way.

On Saturday my former best friend had his wedding. I really wanted my boyfriend to go there with me. I let him decide what to do the last two weekends so he would come with me. I offered to drive, so he could have some drinks. I think he liked the people there, he even said: these friends are really much more reasonable. I should try to meet them more often and introduce my boyfriend to their friends. Back at home we planned to have a drink together, but it took me some time to change and he did stuff on his computer, so the mood turned suddenly. We went to bed, both unhappy.

In the morning he told me we have to talk. He said I can’t open up to him when I have a problem and also I don’t accept him having a bad time. He doesn’t feel welcome anymore when he is not in a good mood. Then he started talking about a mountain. I’m quite sure I don’t understand what he wanted to say. I asked but it simply doesn’t make sense to me.

There is a mountain and we just can be on the top, if everything beneath is right. We just can climb, if everything below is good. If something down changes we have to go back and fix it. I asked if we can not take a shortcut, or start halfway, so it will be easier, or that we maybe never reach the top, because we will never finish our business on the ground. I told him I don’t understand, but he couldn’t explain it in a way I get it.

We separated again in the afternoon. I went biking. I enjoyed the time on my own, some fresh air and some exercise. He also went biking. When we met in the evening, we were both happy and had a nice time together.

I am so glad he never gives up talking about things. And since the first month living together no one ever thought about moving out or splitting up loudly. We are different, we always will experience our lives in different ways, but as long as we try to talk about conflicts I see a good chance we have a bright future!


living together or parallel

I wanted to meet my friends. I asked about his plans for yesterday evening, he wanted to go to his training. So I made arrangements.

After work we met at home – before I had to leave. He didn’t like it. He accused me of just being home to sleep. On Monday I stayed at home and skipped my training because of bad weather conditions. Today I will be home and promised to spend time together.

But I really want to meet other people too. When we just stay at home every evening it feels more like living parallel. We are both there but actually don’t know what to do with each other. In the end we often watch a movie or sit in front of the computer. This is not quality time as a couple. I already told him, I prefer doing without him some time and then actively deal with each other.

I can’t benefit from living parallel. I miss time as a couple and I miss time for just myself. I am bothered by his presence when he doesn’t deal with me.


sometimes too much

We fight and we kiss, we have a lot of drama lately.

Now we are back to harmony. Everything is fine, he is satisfied. I try to be as I should.

But I feel trapped. I can’t decide for me own any more, because he would get in a bad mood. So I keep quiet, until one day I will burst again?

It is so important for me that he likes me, treats me well, is nice to me. He told me to take more care of myself. But if I do we sure will fight. I can’t be myself when it endangers our relationship. I can’t be happy if I repress my true self for too long.

I try so hard to be as I think I should, but I don’t even know if he prefers me that way.

Am I too scared that he may not like the real me?


talking and understanding

A bed-wetter goes to the psychologist.

Later a friend asked him, if he could solve his problems.

He said: No, but it doesn’t bother me anymore.

He told me this joke so I can understand how he has to deal with his (illogical) worries.

He claimed once again that I have depressive behaviour.

He thinks I must take more care of myself, he is probably right.

At least we get along again.


Back to fighting

Yesterday I met a “good old friend” who just got a baby. I have told him weeks before and asked if he wanted to join. He never has said that he would like to.

So I left him a note with the address and that he probably won’t come but to give him the opportunity.

I had a nice time with my friend. Her baby is such a cute one. After about 3 hours he texted when I plan to come home. We had lost time – but in a good way. But when we noticed we said good-bye.

At home he starred at the PC, I changed and he said something stupid about my clothes, then he complained that my note was unfriendly. I was in a good mood – until he started moaning. He insisted we need to talk. In the end we start fighting. He wanted to have fun – after he destroyed my good mood.

He was also drinking beer and I told him, I’m worried about his alcohol consumption.

We fought in the evening and continued in the morning.

When I returned I really wanted to talk to him about us having a baby. But at the moment there is no use in making plans for a common future. He is too egocentric, he just expects me to take care of him, comfort him, get him into the mood… But he doesn’t think one moment about my condition. That hurts. At the moment it feels like a dead end.


Everyday’s life

We sleep.

We work.

And in between we have a little bit of time.

He couldn’t join his training yesterday, because his bosses didn’t let him go. So he was laying at home most evening. I prepared some fish. After eating, we watched an episode of “Black mirror” – it was so disturbing.

Time is passing and nothing is happening. We all are caught by the daily routine. Until next weekend. But how can we use our time in a way that makes sense? We have plans everyday. I miss the time slots, when I visited him on the weekend and it was just the two of us, no plans, no expectations, no everyday life.

I think it became worse since he is having his job.