Too much information

I am so scared.

There seems to be no reason. Everything is fine. We had a great weekend. We were at a festival and just on the last evening there was heavy rain and I fainted.

This is maybe because of the scary part of this weekend. I am still waiting for my monthlies and they really let me wait. After all these jokes about getting pregnant, we may actually did it. It was not planned and I can’t remember when/thatĀ something went wrong. I just have a bad feeling, and a little fainting attack during the festival.

He was so great. I could talk to him about everything. First I wished to talk to a girlfriend, but I didn’t know to whom. He made some jokes, but he understand and he doesn’t seemed scared. Me probably neither, but I AM.

I am abroad for work the next days. But when I return I will by a pregnancy test on the airport. I wish I just can ignore this situation. Even if I am, I shouldn’t tell it around for the first 4 month. But the only thing I want to do right now, is tell everyone. My mother, my sister, my friends. But I am reasonable, keep quiet. At least I can talk to him!

I am glad to have my time, to over think. But I feel especially lonely at the moment. And I feel so sorry for leaving him in this situation. He sure also has a lot to consider. We should comfort each other, not be separated. But this is life going on.

Today I will take some time off and do some sight-seeing, get other stuff in my mind.

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