I am so scared.
There seems to be no reason. Everything is fine. We had a great weekend. We were at a festival and just on the last evening there was heavy rain and I fainted.
This is maybe because of the scary part of this weekend. I am still waiting for my monthlies and they really let me wait. After all these jokes about getting pregnant, we may actually did it. It was not planned and I can’t remember when/that something went wrong. I just have a bad feeling, and a little fainting attack during the festival.
He was so great. I could talk to him about everything. First I wished to talk to a girlfriend, but I didn’t know to whom. He made some jokes, but he understand and he doesn’t seemed scared. Me probably neither, but I AM.
I am abroad for work the next days. But when I return I will by a pregnancy test on the airport. I wish I just can ignore this situation. Even if I am, I shouldn’t tell it around for the first 4 month. But the only thing I want to do right now, is tell everyone. My mother, my sister, my friends. But I am reasonable, keep quiet. At least I can talk to him!
I am glad to have my time, to over think. But I feel especially lonely at the moment. And I feel so sorry for leaving him in this situation. He sure also has a lot to consider. We should comfort each other, not be separated. But this is life going on.
Today I will take some time off and do some sight-seeing, get other stuff in my mind.
He said to me he would like me to have a pregnant belly, because it will be closer to him when we cuddle.
I was swooning over. I want to have a family, I should have shouted: yes, just agreed.
But I am too reasonable, that’s why I told him it is the wrong motivation to get pregnant, you should also want to have a baby.
He made me happy by starting this issue. It is just: I think it is too soon for him to become father. He ist just going to start his new job. I need to have a safe environment to plan a family. But I’m a big fan of him and I can’t even imagine finding someone who is better for me.
Summer is great.
Yesterday we just enjoyed the day, the weather, the sun and the summer. We went swimming, we had a great meal in a garden restaurant and in the end we sat on the balcony by candlelight.
I wanted to invite him to this special restaurant almost as long as I know him. But he always had a reason not to. This time he suggested going there himself. I was so happy. The meal was even better than I remembered. But this was maybe because we shared the experience. It also was his idea to sit on the balcony. First we watched the sunset, later we lit a candle.
It was so romantic, so unlike us. Especially the rose-coloured clouds. I should have taken a picture to preserve the memory, but I couldn’t. I simply had to enjoy the moment. This is also worth a lot.
Summer is great.
Yesterday I really had my fun. I went out with my best friends and came home in the morning. We drank a lot, sang and danced. I missed them and our night activities so much. But it was the first time I could enjoy it without thinking about him waiting for my return.
I decided not to text him since we will meet tomorrow anyway. Today I’m suffering, feeling blue. But it is nice to go through this on my own, doing nothing, talking to no-one.
I will miss him when I will be able to do so. But I’m looking forward seeing him again.
He is gone for the weekend, and I enjoy being alone and missing him.
I told him when I helped him getting ready. I really like the feeling when I do something and miss him to share the experience.
We had a very nice day together yesterday. Nothing standing between us and I’m looking forward seeing him on Sunday again.
I think playing PC games is a waste of time. In winter it is sometimes OK, because you stay at home, it is dark outside, you talk online with your friends, have tea or drinks at home.
But now, when the days are long and the sun is shining. I prefer meeting people in real life, sitting somewhere outside.
Since it was a great wish of him, yesterday we stayed at home with our PC. Maybe this way it is easier to avoid me, I’m not completely healthy yet. I hope it was an exception.
Yesterday he signed his contract. He finally has got a job. He told me before. And he texted me instantly after. He met me for lunch.
I asked him to celebrate this event. He planned to drink beer and play some computer game in the evening. I wanted to invited him for dinner somewhere. But he didn’t like.
On Mondays there is my training, I offered to skip it and instead spend time with him. But he didn’t like.
In the end (after my training) we had a very nice evening, talking. He drank some beer, if it is his award, it is fine with me. We also talked a lot about holiday plans. He really wants me to come to his paddling week as a photographer, or to go hiking, or something else, just also come. I absolutely don’t want to.
I want to go on holiday, I also can go with a very good, maybe best friend, but it also can be him. It is just that he is going to start working on August 1st. And July is not so far away any more, so it is really time for practical plans.