His rules of the game

When he spoke to me for the very first time, I soon started to execute my questionnaire to find out everything necessary as far at is was possible and proper. One very important question was about him having sisters or brothers. I ignored the fact he hasn’t any because of his persuasive personality. After some relationship experiences I had been absolutely determined to attach great importance to this issue. It does matter.
We have some serious discussions and I approve it, also the way we talk and what about. I just think it is unfair that he determines the rules about our relationship. If I bring something up he sometimes just cuts me off. If I intend to, he reproaches me.

He doesn’t “allow” me to write down my thoughts for him.

If we can’t talk we can’t have a relationship.

That is unfair. For him to set the rules and I don’t have anything to say. Written words are communication too. Scribo ergo sum. Writing down thoughts, expressing what is in my mind, finding the right words, that’s what I need for myself and during a conversation, a discussion or specially a fight I often don’t have the time and the calmness to do so. I also become emotional when I feel being approached.

He determines, when, what about and how to communicate.

I am the stupid one who let him. And I’m scared it may be too late to change the situation.
Currently he wants me to do something I really feel uncomfortable about. I told him, tried a lot different ways to explain my feelings. He says he understands, but he put pressure on me. When he will start this issue again, I am not allowed to say, I won’t talk about it. Until one day I do as he wants me to…
And then he will come up with something new and we will be in the same situation again. He is always trying to explore my limits and forcing me to overcome them. He doesn’t do this in bad faith, but he kind of distresses me.


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