Monthly Archives: May 2014

It helps if you can read

We – or actually I – have a kind of big problem right now. Yesterday he called, as the day before. So I hadn’t had to think about it was my turn or not. He told me, he has good news, we have plan for the this weekend.

Obviously we were both to blind to read about the date of a course we are both registered to (his hobby, his club, but I joined also last year). We thought – he told me and I believed and overlooked all the hints and facts it will take place end of June.

So we have plans for this weekend, seems to be good. But in its entirety there are some more problems, like I reserved necessary equipment for the wrong weekend and have no clue where I can get it now. I have to cancel the other reservation, that will be the easiest thing to do.

The other handicap will be that it is not the best time for me to spend on a camping site, because of increased sanitarian requirements. If I had known sufficiently early I would have manipulated to avoid such a situation.

First to solve, getting equipment. This will be my task for today. He still is with his parents, but he will come today. I will meet halfway (it is so much fun to make a trip by train), so we can take turns driving home. I am really a good girlfriend, spending about 4 hours so he will come home safely again.


Duties and rights

He left on Wednesday. Yesterday he called. I was busy, but after finishing my activity I called back.

He told about his days. I was a little distracted. He wanted to know when we will meet again. His father seems like he doesn’t want me to come. It is better this way, because I am not so eager to meet his family at the moment.

In the end he allowed me to call him this evening again. I just entered a competition, carried out my duty as good citizen. If he wants to know how I did in my competition – I suppose he would call. This way – to allow me to tell about my results, it just feels like he is not interested.

This makes me sad. May I don’t call. But maybe he just wants to keep the balance, because yesterday he was the first to call. So it can be seen it is my turn to call now. I hope so. Keep smiling 🙂 He is a good man, there probably is a good reason.

Finally summer/sun/weekend

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Finally it is weekend, and on my way home I saw some funny advertisement.

Finally sunny, finally summer, finally weekend, finally alone. I haven’t heart of him. He was online yesterday but didn’t reply. I have a long list of stuff to do. I don’t really like right now, I enjoy sitting in the sun …. some more minutes.

He left – me too

Before he left, I came home during my lunch break to kiss him good-bye for the last time until next week. Then he left, I haven’t heard of him yet. But I also left. I have to work some days abroad.

So for me it shouldn’t make a big difference if he stays at home or with his parents.

But I already miss him. Sitting in my hotel room, watching what’s outside the window. I would prefer to share all these impressions with him. When saying good-bye he told me I should come and pick him up. This means he wants me to meet his family again – and I planned not to, since he cancelled my last family celebration.

Let’s see. Probably I will follow my desire to be together with him again. I am up to do so much for him, for us to be happy. Sometimes I miss the feeling he does the same. But yesterday he came all the way to the railway station to pick me up when I returned after working on a construction side.

Going in circles

Time is passing, but the issues stay the same, the same thoughts, the same troubles and complaints, the same obsessions with which we may can’t live after all. These days are no fun. I fold myself, lock the door, and sit around in my pajamas, rather. I’m not existent. The telephone is off as is the internet connection. Just breathing, being myself. I want to life, not only operate.
Before I will have cabin fever once again.

It seems to be a logistic master piece to get rid of him in a nice way without him being offended. I just don’t want to explain myself. Even he doesn’t my concern. He prefers to have company almost all the time. If I don’t have time he immediately calls someone else to spend time with. Some there-could-have-been-something-more-acquaintance claimed I couldn’t spend time with myself. But in fact he had a problem because I am committed that no one can do nothing. Everyone always do something, even if it is just starring in the air.
Despite this I am jealous of his mobile heater. As soon as I get up in the morning (I have to work), he turns the heater on. He replaces my. When he is angry with my, he even does this in my presence.
I don’t need that much attention or action. I like talking with friends, reading, even running is an iterating process. I prefer a safe lifestyle.
He needs the kick, the action, the challenge. And most of all attention.

This week I will have some time without him to enjoy just being alone. He is fit again and will visit his parents for a week. But he “threatened” to cancel his holiday plans, going to France for 10 tens with some sportsmen – without me. He thinks he will miss me too much. 😮

He also was at his first job interview yesterday, we both have good hope he will get the job. He talked about it over and over, but when I wanted to know what they said about his condition of just working 30 hours he sang small, he didn’t dare to ask. I am just glad and hope he will get his acceptance soon.

rainy boring weekend, but he is getting better

On Saturday a doctor came and he also called the doctor yesterday, because he didn’t make real progress in getting healthy again. He demanded tea and soup and entertainment. At least he obeyed some of my advises.

In the evening the had a telephone call of a friend and they talked about his job interview tomorrow. Later he complained that I ask not enough about his job search, about his ideas and his life. He told me some questions I should have asked. But I could have answered all of them myself, because we talk again and again also about his job applications and about possible jobs and everything in context with these.

Actually he wants to spend just for about 30-32 hours in the company, because he will have to travel to work which he counts as working time. I told him it is not easy to get such a job, companies look for full-time workers. In my world self-realisation should not come first before he even has got a job. We have complete different ideas of this issue, that is also why I am not eager for talking about jobs with him.

He claims there are things people just can’t. And he can’t work 38,5 hours and travel to and from work 7 hours a week. It will be too much.

I am afraid for my personal plans for the future, if he can’t get a job because of unreasonable concepts, we can’t start a family. And the other problem: if he just can’t work full-time, because he simply can’t (is not able, overstrained) – how can he take care of a child?

I told him, if you are responsible you just do your job, no matter if you can or can’t. Sometimes it is about the existence. I brought up a marathon runner as an example. A human body is not made to run that far, but if you want or must it is possible. Most people don’t have the luxury to even think about if they can, they have to. Their basic needs have to be covered, it is about existence. But he once had psychological problems and now this is his excuse for everything. I was always responsible for my siblings, for the household (may it should have my mother’s duty, but it was mine), I had no possibility to just quit, saying: I can’t.

That is why I have no understanding for his point of view and I will not fake it! That is why I will not start a discussion about his ideas of a job. If he not even wants to be responsible for his own life (he still gets money from his parents)… I don’t know. I hope this is not an issue to separate, but I can’t be generous knowing that he is to demanding to get a job.

So worried – he is sick

He is like sick all the time, always demanding consideration of his latest complaint.

But this time, he really is sick and I just feel helpless. It started Thursday, with heavy fever. I thought it may be a stomach flu and brought him zwieback. Yesterday he was free of fever. I told him to wait until the evening and if he still is without fever I should stay one more day at home.

But in the evening he wanted to eat some real meal, not just zwieback and tea. I cooked but I didn’t approve it. Even with a stomach flu you should be careful what to eat and how to start eating “normal” stuff again. But I am not his mother, he is grown-up. He even ate some tomato salat – I advised against, I just made a little bowl of it for myself, in fact.

After eating, we watched some TV and suddenly he started shivering, got high fever. He was suffering the night, I couldn’t stand it and slept on the couch. I feel so sorry for him, but I also need my sleep – to stay healthy and take care of him.

In the morning I went to bed again, but he was so hot. I brought him the thermometer and looked in the internet for some available medical help. On weekend it is so hard to find a doctor in the city. Where I grow up, we have a local newspaper which says all the weekendshifts of doctors nearby. Going to the hospital doesn’t make sense, since you have to wait quite some time and this wouldn’t be a pleasure with fever. In the end I found the number of an emergency doctor and told him to call.

I changed the sheets, aired the room while he took a shower. Now we are waiting for the doctor, I am so glad someone is coming!

He doesn’t act reasonably (like what he ate), but the shivering and the fever caused by food, seems to be rather serious.