Lately I often start crying when having a discussion or an argument with him. Tears start falling, I just can’t hold them. Sometimes I can at least keep my voice under control. Sometimes even my tone sounds like crying.
I don’t want this, it makes me feel uncomfortable, vulnerable. I have always been a strong one. Now my arguments were weakened by my expression. I don’t see or have any advantage of this. He just ignores my situation without any problem. He never has the idea to comfort my during an argument. He even keeps quite some distance during a fight, like sitting down in the other corner of the room. I would prefer to have physical contact just to feel the difference that the discussion/argument/fight is about an issue and not about us or our relationship. He claims he wants to see me and this is impossible when I am hanging on his arm or in some other position halfway on him.
In my former relationships I would never let myself go this way. It would just be incredible embarrassing to cry in front of someone. I don’t know when or why I lost my compunction to cry in his presence. To cry for my own really is liberating, that is what I always do gladly and extensive – if there is an incident.